The sun has arrived in southwest Michigan.  I never thought I would see it's beautiful rays ever again after a brutal winter.  Brutal is not only a reference to the cold and bitterness, but also to the offsprings' behavior.  For 5 straight months, we have been starved of the natural sensory input that is crucial to Fischer's behavior and development.  (It has absolutely nothing to do with my sanity and increased olive juice and prescription budget.)

The wear and tear that winter brings on the lawn is rather annoying.  Say goodbye to the necessary depletion of disposable income on flowers, soil, plants, rocks, mulch, potting soil, and whatever else might be necessary for a non-white-trashy yard.  While my neighbor across the way utilizes ratty blankets and stained towels for curtains, and Schwan's ice-cream buckets for planters, I prefer to go the more traditional route with my outside decor. 

Preparing the summer yard is heavy-work heaven for a sensory-smart mamma.  I completely forgot how great yard work is for Fischer.  His nervous system settles down and he starts to process input more calmly and appropriately after one outing in the yard.  The anxiety and need to wrestle decreases dramatically.  And we have so much fun planting and getting dirty (I the former, Fischer the latter).

I am fairly certain that my neighbors believe I punish my child with manual labor, but he loves to carry bricks and heavy rocks.  He loves constructing flower beds with his dad.  He loves carrying potting soil and dirt for me.   He has a Fischer-size wheelbarrow that he loads up with garden tools. 

And let's not forget it's fire-pit season.  Fischer loves him a good fire.  Carrying firewood is an excellent activity for him.  He's a bit of a pyro, but what man isn't?  And as long as Kevin is standing next to him, he is allowed to poke the fire.  With his dad guiding him, he learns the appropriate force necessary to stoke the fire.  This particular skill spills over into everyday tasks, like handling delicate objects, giving gentle hugs, and grabbing objects with appropriate force.

This may sound bizarre, but I'd like to give a bit of a shout-out to all of the invertebrates in my yard that take one hell of a good beating from my kid.  I feel quite terribly actually for the worms in my yard, but they will never know how grateful I am for their service.  Fischer knows that worms make good fishing bait, and he was taught that worms hide under wet objects.  In my yard, they take cover under heavy rocks, which is awesome.  Fischer will push over every single rock in my yard in search of worms.  And some of these rocks are more like boulders.  Fischer thinks that the trap door of his Scooby-Doo pirate castle is the most suitable place to store his worms, but it's another semi-heavy object for him to tote around so I don't put up a stink. 

The proprio-pros to summer go on and on for sensory activities:  bike riding, scooter racing, walking to/from the library with books, [Fischer] taking out the trash, watering flowers, baseball, and never forget the power of the playground.  I've figured out what stimulates Fischer and have based many simple, readily-available activities around that.  Never thought I'd be so thankful for worms, dirt, and fire!

I was sick for a week, then Fischer was sick for a week.  Flu and SPD do not go well together.  I couldn't do any heavy work or proprioceptive activity with Fish for a week because my ass was too busy making indents in the couch.  Even when I wasn't beached up, exhausting options on the DVR, I couldn't do heavy work.  Then he got sick and wasn't able to do any heavy work himself for a week.  2 weeks minus heavy work combined with lack of routine means an additional 2 weeks of out-of-sync, domestic woe.

We've been trying to find ways to get Fischer physical exercise and the heavy work he needs to get back on track, but it's rough when it's cold.  His reaction time to activity is delayed; he may do the heavy work every day this week, but won't start regulating until next week.  Yesterday morning, we did some wheelbarrow walks before heading to the kids museum where we climbed enough stairs to flare up my rheumatoid arthritis.  (I was completely devastated that I had to consume Tylenol PMs last night.)  Then we did some swinging, sandbox, and rode on the 4-wheeler, in the rain. 

Today, I'll have to play Pengu; a hodge-podge of tent building, pillow throwing, and hide-and-seeking where I typically play the shit character.  I'm always the slow, unattractive, underdog.  I never get to be Captain Hook- I'm either Mr. Smee or a puny pirate.  Occasionally, I get to be the poop monster...at least he mixes it up.  If being the poop monster means he'll get underwear and pants on, I'm in. 

Tonight is gymnastics.  Lately, he's been campaigning against gymnastics.  Novelty has worn off, and the structure of the class infringes on his sensory seeking.  He was actually elated last week that he had diarrhea and could not attend class.  He tried to tell me this morning that he had diarrhea down the crack of the couch.  He's made it abundantly clear that he will not participate unless he gets a Wendy's hamburger before class.  Once the boss was finished outlining the rules, he agreed.  He just told me that he plans to let his teachers know that he had diarrhea last week, which is why he could not attend class.  I tried explaining to him that it is more appropriate to simply let them know that he was sick, but he believes in full disclosure.  I just hope he doesn't feel the need to demonstrate where diarrhea originates.  Last week, he spread his cheeks and asked me to look for his diary.  He dropped his pants at my parents house and showed them his rash.  I think he understands the difference between public and private appropriateness in this matter, but I'm not quite sure.  Either way, I'm pretty positive the word diarrhea is the word of the day. 

Growing up, holidays were my favorite.  My mom went all out.  As a result, I have massive Easter nostalgia:  the bunny, the candy, the basket, wearing alarmingly dreadful dresses, making my church appearance for the year, and the awesome egg hung with my extended family.  My cousins and I have children now, but we still celebrate all holidays with the same extended family.  So when we're all present, there are 23 of us.  And they are loud, talk a lot (myself included), and opinionated.  In addition, we play loud games like catch phrase; even games like euchre get loud.   

Now that I have Fischer, crowded and loud make for a rough day and a rough week of deregulation to follow.  It's now Wednesday and we're still trying to get back to "normal".  (FYI- I don't actually know what normal means.)  He's chewing on blankets, sweatshirt ties, and toys.  He's telling me 'no' when I ask him to do anything.  And when he wants to mix it up, he says, "I'm not talking to you."  He gets frustrated really easily and he gets rough with the tablet and his toys.

Getting clothes on the kid is manual labor.  He's been wearing jammies for days because there is no way I'm even attempting to get him dressed.  Well, pajama bottoms and a stained Justin Verlander shirt; changing the shirt is the most difficult part of dressing.  He refuses to wear socks with his boots, and then they get sweaty and stuck on his feet and he gets pissed and screams.  For whatever reason, even if I tell him not to wear cowboy boots without socks, it's still my fault when they won't come off.  Funny how that works.  Reverse psychology doesn't work and neither do threats and bribery, so I'm basically screwed.  Yesterday, he refused to put shoes, socks, or a coat on when leaving my parent's house; I thought for sure he'd turn around and head back in the house when his arms and bare feet met 35 degrees, but no such luck. 

Because his behavior is more "appropriate" and socially acceptable when i am not around, it might appear that I baby him or exaggerate his deregulated behavior.  I think it's difficult for even those that we're close with to understand why he is "easy" when I'm not around.  He's still effected by the crowds, noise, lighting, touch sensations and over-stimulation when I'm not around, he just utilizes his coping mechanisms.  What a lot of people may not realize is that he works twice as hard as "normal" kids in over-stimulating situations, like holidays.  Even when he's out-of-sync, if I am not nearby, he doesn't usually exhibit behavioral difficulties.  But, as his OT says, I am his safety net.  He doesn't have to be on-his-game when he's with me.  He doesn't have to use the tiring coping mechanisms that he has developed for social situations.  I'm glad I can be that for him, but damn, it is so tiring and frustrating. 

Fischer is with his dad right now, which is why I have a necessary respite to compose this post.  He will run him ragged and give him loads of heavy work to help regulate him, despite the entire 20 oz sprite that I know Kevin's buddy will give him.  I only have 1 jar of olives left, and since I haven't had time to shower in days, I won't be able to make a public appearance to replenish.  Ya know, 1 jar of olives only make 3-4 dirty martinis?

This Easter marks the second holiday that Fischer has made it public knowledge that he doesn't like one of my aunts.   

        

I've been sick for 3 days, therefore, Fischer's routine, our routine, is all sorts of screwed up.  Which means, I have a big-time deregulated toddler on my hands.  He's mouthy and easily agitated.  He wanted to leave therapy today because his OT suggested they take turns hiding during their game of hide-and-seek.  He NEVER wants to leave OT. 

Fischer is effected by each of the senses, but must work especially hard with proprioceptive input.  For those unfamiliar with the terminology, proprioception comes from our nervous system and is a form of sensory input that makes us spatially aware of our muscles, limbs, and joints.  A lot of kids with proprioceptive dysfunction seem uncoordinated or have difficulty gauging their movements.  They might not move out of the way fast enough when a ball comes toward their head.  I'm a huge baseball fan, so I like to use the sport as an example.  Good baseball pitchers have multiple pitches in their arsenal:  two seam, four seam, splitter, off-speed, sinker, etc.  Perfecting these pitches requires improved proprioceptive ability (delivery, velocity, gripping, arm movement), which can be trained.  They improve their proprioceptive abilities when they practice and train with their pitching coach.  Likewise, Fischer's proprioception improves when he "trains" with his OT.  Or, say I had one to many dirty martinis one night and got pulled over.  Police officers would gauge my proprioception if they suspected I might be over the legal limit.  If I were intoxicated, I might not be able to walk a straight line without looking down at my feet.  (Which by the way, never happens.  Well...the driving bit never happens.) 

Fischer is a big-time sensory seeker and he NEEDS rough-play- crashing, pulling, jumping, heavy lifting, wrestling,  It improves body awareness and his ability to focus.  Our morning routine consists of building tents with heavy, weighted pillows, jumping, piggy and horseback rides, running and crashing.  In the afternoon, we play on the playground, build forts with bricks, climb up dirt or snow piles, or play in the snow.  We haven't done any of this for the past 3 days.  Routine is of the utmost importance to any child with a sensory disorder.  Fischer needs to prepare his nervous system for what's coming.  He seeks out excessive proprioceptive input because he is essentially trying to regulate himself.  His nervous system needs calming.  When he gets too touchy-feely, can't sit still, or starts crashing into things, he needs more heavy work. 

Because I caught his sensory problems at such a young age, many of Fischer's issues have subsided.  SPD is neurological and it's possible to change how his brain interprets sensory input because it is not yet fully developed.  (At least, that's how I understand it.)  He started OT shortly after he turned 3, so he's been seeing his therapist for over a year.  In addition, he has learned coping mechanisms for a lot of his issues. But we also have to work very hard with the rough-play and heavy work to calm his nervous system.  A lot of kids, especially little boys, like to play rough, but Fischer needs this heavy work as a part of his play diet. 

Unless you spend a lot of time with Fischer, more than likely, you wouldn't even notice his sensory problems.  He sometimes hugs his cousins or friends too hard, breaks things or crashes into stuff.  Luckily, he's an extremely intelligent kid and has been able to hit all of his milestones despite his struggles.  He's not clumsy, and I think he'll probably be good at sports.  But that doesn't mean that he isn't working really hard to behave in a manner that is socially appropriate. 

Tonight, during Fischer's gymnastics class, I had a "light-bulb moment".  It was unavoidable, but he had OT this morning as well.  And with me being sick, he was deregulated from the get-go and it was too much.  Normally, he listens, follows instructions and does pretty good.  He'll get distracted and overwhelmed by the lights and noise sometimes, but can usually rein himself back in.  He struggled tonight and wouldn't participate in a few things.  Because it was an "off" day, his coping mechanisms were decreased.  He wandered around more than usual and his attention was down.  But I realized that every time he drifted off, he was reined back in, either by his teacher or himself.  It took a bit longer than usual, but even on a bad day, he was able to self-regulate in a social situation.  That is HUGE!  At the end of class, he ran over to the side-lines, hunched over and waited for the rest of the class to do their hand shakes.  Others probably see this act either as a sad form of withdraw or as defiance.  I see this as a small victory.  He was able to remove himself from an uncomfortable and over-stimulating situation and find a way to self-regulate without running out of the room to me.  Today is an oxymoron.  It's a good bad day!  Fischer is just like every other kid, only he's not!